Believe IT!

I have a new obession.

Naruto.
My brothers have been trying to get me to watch it for almost a year. About a week ago I was laid up with a killer sinus infection, and my older brother, Davis, brought me season one to watch. I’m now on season three. In a week.

We’re thinking of going to DragonCon in Naruto costume. I’m going as Sarkura, Davis as Itachi, and Samuel as Konohamaru (he’s only eight years old) Or Davis and Samuel going as Kankuro & Crow. Now I have to learn how to sew.
Damn.

Anyone want to car pool to DragonCon?
We could use a Naruto, a Kakashi, and a Sasuke.
Any takers?

To my delight, my supervisor and another guy on my team also love Naruto so we’re constantly talking about it. Have I mentioned how much I love my new supervisor? He’s amazing. He reminds me  a lot of Kakashi Sensei. In fact, I’ve taken to calling him John Sensei. He grew up in Korea and is a huge anime’ fan.

Ralphus has made a turn for the worse. He’s quite literally skin and bones and doesn’t have the strength to hold his head up, much less walk. I’m having to feed him NutriCal and chicken broth with an eye dropper. He sleeps in basket by my bed so I can keep and eye on him. I don’t want him to die, but at the same time, I hate seeing him like this

Tales From the Trailer Park

I received the oddest call to-date today.  I was helping this lady get a signal on her receivers. She had already told me that she lived in a trailer park and and highly qualified gentleman named ‘Buzzard’ had been there ‘fixin’ their water heater’, when the receivers went out. 
We were in the middle of checking the connections when this god awful scream erupted from the depths of the double wide. My customer dropped the phone, but this is what I gathered from the commotion.

Their daughter (apromixately 5  years old) had some how lodged a fishing hook in her cheek, her father was trying to get it out, she was kicking, screaming, biting, and scratching him. There was a mile long list of obscenities coming from both the father and the 5 year old.  They were both screaming at the top of their lungs.  The mom is screaming at the father to ‘Watch his fucking mouth’. 

I’m laughing so hard I’m in tears at this point. I put my phone on speaker so my co-workers can enjoy the circus. At this point the family cat decides to join in and apparently claws the father’s face. I hear something hit the wall (I’m assuming the cat) and the mom picks the phone up and apologizes.

 I can hear the father in the background ‘I hate that fucking cat, I’m gonna kill him, I hate that cat’. Then I hear what can only be the sound of a pump action rifle. The mom says ‘Can I call you back’ and quickly hangs up.

Calls like that make the job worth it. xD

Call Center Confidential

Working in a call center had been very enlightening.  

First there’s the glory of the Mute -or ‘cough’ – button. It supposed to be used when you cough, sneeze, yawn, ect. But here’s what it’s really used for:

Customer – ‘I can’t find the reset button’
Agent – ‘The red button, ma’am, on the front of your receiver, it’s red’ 
Customer – ‘There’s isn’t a reset button, there’s ‘power’, ‘guide’ …proceeds to list every button on the receiver..
*presses mute button*
Agent – ‘The damn red button!! How hard is this?! There’s got to be a separate Que for idiots who get sent directly to my extension’
*releases mute button*

I sat by a guy last week who is a billing agent who got frequent use out of his mute button. He would call his customer every name under the sun and then get back on the line and be as nice a peach pie. It was highly entertaining.

Another thing that kills me is that all the customers think we can see everything on their television despite the fact we ask them to describe what’s on their screen. While I was in training, one of the mentors told me she used to mess with them and make them think she could see everything that was going on in their living room.

I love when a customer gets cranky when I ask them to troubleshoot.

Me – ‘Sir, can you check the satellite-in cable on the back of your receiver?’
Customer – ‘You want me to get up?!’
Me – ‘Yes’
*presses mute button*
Me – ‘Yes, get off your lazy ass and walk to the two feet to your reciever. It’s not something you can do with the remote. You are going to have to work a little!’
*releases mute*

The one thing that cause the most escalations is service calls. After I’ve done all the troubleshooting I can do and we have to send a tech out. Fifty bucks a pop, and Jesus, does it get them riled up.

Me – ‘I’ve done all I can do, so we’re going to have to send a tech out to take a look at it. ‘
Customer – ‘Okay’
Me – ‘ A service call is $49.95…’
Customer – ‘Wait, you mean I have to pay for you to come and fix your equipment?!’
Me – ‘Yes, you’re out of the 90 day warranty and you do not have the protection plan’
Customer – ‘But it’s your equipment!’
*presses mute button*
Me – ‘Yeah, and who broke it?’  
*releases mute button* 

At this point they normally ask to speak to a supervisor. Which I find amusing. Because the supervisor is going to tell them the exact same thing. What a lot of customers do not understand is we’re just the middle man. We don’t make the rules.  And you agreed to all of this in the Service Agreement you signed (You know that five sheet rules and regulations thing that everyone signs without reading) so don’t take it out on us.

Which brings me to the next subject, don’t call into customer service and be an ass. You end up shooting yourself in the foot. I will go the extra mile and beyond for a customer who is nice and pleasant. If you’re an jerk, I’m going to half-ass the troubleshooting and then slap you with a fifty buck service call. Then I’ll leave some really detailed notes on you account like:

‘Customer called in with Searching for Satellite Signal on all receivers. Was very rude and mean. An all-around douche bag. Offered service call, customer didn’t want to pay. Customer starting calling names. Please do not offer credits or free services to this customer.’

So that everyone will know what a jerk you are.   

I love it when they mention that they used to be with another satellite or cable company and they never had a problem. I want to say
‘Well if Dish Network was so fucking amazing, why don’t you go back to them? Let them deal with your whining and credit hogging’

Just one more thing, if you call in to a call center and get a phenomenal agent who is nice and just goes the extra mile for you, always ask to speak to their supervisor and tell them what an outstanding  job that agent did. Not only will you make that agent’s day, you’ll get some really amazing notes on your account

 I would also like to add, despite the bitchy tone of this blog, I love my job. Ninety percent of my customers are amazing, the other ten percent make up this blog

Just So Everyone Is On the Same Page

I’ve decided that I’m going to give up the whole ‘indian bit’, it’s old and everyone tired of it. Instead I’m going with my mom was a BonJovi groupie back in the day and I’m Richie Sambora’s illegitimate love child. My new name is Laura Sambora. Since it’s got that rhyming thing going on like Hannah Montana, I’m going to Disney for my own tv show.
So my old last name is up for grabs, if anyone wants to be half indian. I offered to a few co-workers today and no takers. Yet.

I’m also working on ‘Sitel: The Musical’, with my co-worker, Matt. We’ll be hold auditions in a few weeks. With the Sambora name connected to it, I think it’s probably going to be huge.

If you or anyone you know wants two ferrets (including the cage), shoot me an e-mail. I know someone who is giving them away to a good home. I need to run my own ferret site. I get four or five e-mails a week asking for ferret advice and trying to give me more ferrets. Hmm… I’ll have to look into that.

My job is still awesome. I ‘graduate’ from training Saturday. And then my training class is going to be all split up
At least Matt and I are on the same team. With the exact same hours. I wasn’t thrilled with my schedule at first, but I think I’m going to be able to make it work. I’m actually going to get to see Daniel more than I do know.

 

And to end this blog on a happy note, Ralphus is doing much better. He has his ups and downs, but he’s put on quite a bit of weight (he has a little pot belly) and is much better spirits. He’s a little fighter

I Love My Job

I regret, more than anything, not taking up this job when it was offered to me the first time. I really like it. Daniel said I would because I like talking on the phone. And it’s true.  I’m just a people person.

 I got a ‘kudos’ call today, the man I was helping activate his new receiver asked to speak to my supervisor to tell her how ‘efficient’ and ‘pleasant’ I was on the phone and that I was ‘the bombdiggity’. That’s a direct quote,

Last week I got a call from a woman ranting and raving about how much she hated us and she wanted to cancel her service immediately. Not only that I convince her that we had the best quality and prices, I sold her a movie pack! I’m amazing!

The day goes by so fast. I’m a tech agent doing mostly trouble shooting calls, and they can be anywhere from five minutes to and hour and a half. You take two calls, go to break,  come back take three more calls, go to lunch break, come back take two, go to break and then three more, it’s time to go home. It’s really nice.

Finally, a job that doesn’t suck monkey balls.

Hello 2009!

I’ve had one of the best New Years to date.
I ended up crashing at my co-workers house to avoid the 20 something check points they had dotted across the county. (Long story). We get to their apartment and realize all there is to drink (liquor-wise) is nasty rum. So we drive all over town calling all the liquor stores (who closed at 10 on New Years Eve, wtf?) and convice this little indian man to stay open ten extra minutes for us. I get my vodka, and then we go back to the aparment.

I just had one, however two of my co-workers get wasted and are hysterical. We just sat back and watched them go. Drunken dancing, talking and making no sense at all, it was pretty funny. At about 4am we all get hungry and head out to the local ‘Waffle House’ which was full of other drunk people. Everyone was loud and laughing hysterically, out waitress was amazing and even sung and danced when I asked if my fiesta omelet came with a mariachi band. 

We headed back to the aparment for more drunken entertainment, and now everyone has crashed except me.  Hope your New Years was as awesome as mine.

I’ve Been in Hibernation

I’m still trying to get used to my new work schedule. Working nights is nice, but it’s only helped my bad habits from unemployment. Staying up till 3am and then sleeping till right before I have to leave. More on that later.

I love my job. I ‘graduated’ training tonight and I go to the call floor tomorrow. I have so much ‘technical’ knowledge crammed in my head, it’s insane. Everyone is nice and it’s very laid back. I’m already making more than I was at my last job and I’m guaranteed at least three more raises in the next year.  

With the new year fastly approaching, I thought I’d set some ‘goals’ for myself. I’m not going to jinx it by using ‘resolutions’.  

1. Getting my life organized.
This includes fiances, eating better, and getting my lazy ass on something slightly resembling a schedule.

2.  Pick up Piano again.
I recently sat down and played around on my piano and am ashamed to say I remember next to nothing. I can still read music and play. But I used to have a plethora of songs memorized and I can’t remember any of them.

3. Read, Read, Read
I used to read at leasttwo books a week. And then I got my first job… haha. I don’t think this one is going to be to hard to keep with me working in a call center. 

I would like to bring this rushed blog to a close by saying farewell to Houdini, who crossed that rainbow bridge this morning. I’ll never forget that obese hamster whom no matter how we rigged it, always managed to escape from her cage on a nightly basis. Rest in peace, little one.

10-20-Life Sounds Like a Plan

I’ve been playing Grand Theft Auto (Vice City Stories, to be specific) pretty much non stop.  I’ve downloaded the Flash FM and Wave 103 play list and listen to them while I’m driving. It’s becoming harder and harder not to drive into on-coming traffic, run over pedestrians while yelling ‘Cause of death? This mother fucker!’ and bitch slap whores.

Being a felon never looked more attractive.
Of course, I wouldn’t get busted.

Brandon and I where discussing this the other day while playing Grand Theft Auto IV: Liberty City on his PS3. We’re going to quit or jobs and devote or lives to armed robbery, pimping, and drug trafficking.
Anyone else want to get in on this?

Speaking of jobs, I have one! I start Tuesday at an incoming call center doing tech support for a satellite company. Crystal tells me I’m not going to like it because I can’t use my boobs to my advantage over the phone. I beg to differ.

‘You like comic books too? I have a enormous rack…….where I keep mine.’

Not to mention that I’ve been told I sound hot on the phone? I have no idea. But in the spirit of living the ‘Thug Life’ I may start a phone sex racket on the side. 

Farewell unemployment, it's been fun

I’m actually going to kinda miss unemployment. It’s been a nice little vacation. Lying around in my pj’s, reading, playing GTA, getting 3x my money’s worth from my Netflix membership and sleeping till noon. My bills aren’t behind so I was able to enjoy it and not panic about my car being repo’d or some such.  Oh well, I hope this job works out. The benefits are nice.  Health, dental, & vision, free satellite TV, 401K , retirement, and all the free coffee you can drink.

Cross your fingers for me!

I leave you with this completely unrealted story,check out this insane bee encounter.

Black Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was a disaster. Of sorts. Okay, I’m being mellow dramatic, it was okay. I just didn’t get everything done that I planned. I was in ripped jeans and a battered concert t-shirt cleaning my bathroom when the first guest showed up. So I had to rush around to finish up and then get a shower. There’s LOADS of leftover food at the house. Half of which I can’t even eat.  I hate Thanksgiving food.

Operation bow-tie failed. Miserably. Ralphus wasn’t well enough to be up and about (more on that later) and Ringo promptly removed his and hid it. It’s probably with most of my earrings somewhere. Dammit. Ringo and Delilah spent most of the day sleeping on Daniel and I. Although we did get to see and ferret vs hamster boxing match*. I’ll have to try to get that on video

The night before, my allergies kicked in full force. Itchy eyes, stuffy nose, sneezing, itchy throat, itchy ears and wheezing. Wheezing is a new one, I’ve never had that before. My mother thinks I’m developing asthma and keeps bugging me to go to the doctor about it. Fantastic.

I’m a bit worried about Ralphus. He’s dropped weight again and has gotten quite grumpy in his old age. He’ll jump Ringo and Delilah for no reason, pinning them down to the point they’re squealing. I’ve made him basket with blankets and pillows that he sleeps in so that Ringo and Delilah can have some peace. Perhaps it’s just a phase. I hope it is….

My mother ask my brother, Davis, and I to go to Wal-Mart’s Black Friday sale and pick up a desktop computer. I don’t know if you’ve been to Wal-Mart’s annual Black Friday sale, but let me paint the picture for you. 300 or so angry people (mainly housewives) in pajamas and rollers running around snatching whatever they can get their hands on. Several fist fights break out every year. People are trampled. And insults are shouted over the Christmas music playing on the PA system. 

We got there at 3am and Davis wandered around the store while I sat on the floor, holding our place in line, playing Grand Theft Auto. When we got there, we were 7th in line. At 4:45 (it started at 5am), a sales associate tells me I’m in the wrong line. I was pretty pissed, the line I was supposed to be in was stretching over half the store! I’d been there since 3 and I was told I was in the correct line. I had some unpleasant words with her then got in the correct line. Turns out, the correct line was for TVs and desktops. When they got down to us, we were the second to get a desktop. We left around 5:20, I didn’t feel like staying to watch the fist fights.

Hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving and Black Friday shopping as well.

*A card-carrying PETA member was present at all times. No hamsters or ferrets were harmed in this event.

Routan Baby Fever

Ever since Crystal and I discovered the Routan Baby Maker 3000, it’s all we’ve been doing. This thing is hilarious and creepy as hell at the same time. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time!

Here’s my and Daniel’s pride and joy, little Danny Dinkle (Daniel picked the name)

And My & Laura’s baby, Laura!

I have to say, Laura’s a lot cuter than Danny Dinkle…

My latest obessions, aside from Routan Babies, are Grand Theft Auto and Moulin Rouge. Quite a mix, I know. If you haven’t see Moulin Rouge, I highly reccomend it.

I’ve vowed to make Ralphus and Ringo wear bow-ties for Thanksgiving dinner. There’s also been a request for an indian and pilgrim get up. I’ll see what I can do…