I Fought the Law and I Won

Last night was the epitome of why I hate cops. 

        I was headed home from Daniel’s last night at midnight. He lives about 10 minutes from me. I go through the first four way stop and just a about a quarter of a mile down I notice  a truck behind me. He’s turning his brights on and off and tailgating me. I think he’s just being a jerk and trying to pass, so I just kept cruising along. 
    Then he speeds up and turns his hazard lights on. I’m starting to get nervous thinking this mainiac is going to run me off the road. So I floor it, and anyone who has ever ridden in or driven my car will tell you, is an amazing feat. At this point he decides to kick it up a notch and passes me and then stops in the middle of the road. I’m really getting scared at this point, I have no idea what this guy’s intentions are. But I knew there was no way in hell I was stopping.
      I pulled around him (into the ditch) and kept going. I’m trying to decide what I’m going to do, he’s still behind me. My road was right ahead and I wasn’t sure I could make that turn at my current 85 mph. At the last minute I decided to make the turn and he follows. I call my mom on my cell and tell her I’m being followed and ask her to send my brother and dad to meet me at the house so I’m not alone. I didn’t know if he would follow me up my drive way but I wasn’t going to risk it. 
     I turn down my drive way and he’s right behind me. I park behind my house and my dad backs his van into the drive way so he can’t pull beside me.  I get out of my car and I hear some man yelling. All I can think is ‘Oh my god, he got out of the car, he’s going to shoot my dad’. He come running around the corner of the house and he’s in uniform.
     I got this ice cold chill and my stomach dropped out. I’m thinking ‘I’ve just ran from the cops’. But as fast as that feeling came on, the anger after was faster. I just start screaming at the guy.
     ‘WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN US BOTH KILLED! YOU WERE IN AN UNMARKED CAR WITH NO LIGHTS. I’M ALONE, IT’S MIDNIGHT AND THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS STOPPING!!!!’ 
       He says ‘You ran a stop sign.’ 
       I start screaming again, ‘YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I DID! THERE WAS A FUCKING LUNATIC CHASING ME, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?’
      He rambles on about traffic laws and that he ‘Wasn’t going to give me a ticket for running the stop sign, fleeing, or speeding’.  To which I replied ‘GO AHEAD AND GIVE ME A TICKET, I’LL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO TAKE THIS TO TRAFFIC COURT.’
        My dad tells him to leave, and he does. I’m shaking, crying, and effin furious. I remembered he drove a white Dodge Ram 1500 with FSU tags. I have no idea where he came from, if he was behind me the whole time or if he pulled out of a side road. 
       I live in a small, rural, southern town that’s real big on the ‘Good ‘Ol Boy’ system. It just so happens that my Grandfather, a retired deputy, is a very prominent member of the ‘Good ‘Ol Boys’, and while I generally don’t like government corruption, I’m not above using it in a bind. Which is exactly what I did. My mother called him first thing this morning and a Lieutenant and a Captain from the Florida Highway Patrol (he was Highway Patrol, not a Policeman) were at my house today to get a statement and have me identify  some photos.  They’re going to call me to possibly have me talk to the Chief and let me know the outcome. 
       
   So no one better roll their eyes ever again when I say I hate cops. 

      High speed chases aside, I had a pretty rough weekend and I’d like to think Crystal, Tessa, and Allison for helping me through it. I’d also like to think Brandon for that wonderful pizza dinner   I love all of you guys more than you’ll ever know.  
        I do think everything is finally right with the world. Maybe. I can say that I am honestly happy. Maybe even content. I’ll have to keep you posted on that one. But I feel a lot better than I have in months, so I’m going to roll with that.

Why Tessa & I Will Rule the World

Today’s text conversation on the way to work:

Me: What are you up to?

Tessa: Watching ‘What Not to Wear’ and about to go get my abdominal ultrasound.

Me:  What if you were impregnated by aliens?

Tessa:  I guess I’m going to explode one of these days. Or I need an intergalactic abortion.

Me: You would kill your mutant baby?!

Tessa: Its that or spontaneously combust…either way sounds bad.

Me: Think ‘Men in Black’, when Will Smith delivers the alien squid baby.

Tessa: Yea buut she’s alraeady an alien. Mine would probably be more like the movie ‘Ailen’

Me: With a face only a mother could love?

Tessa: No…like busting out of my gut and then feeding off my dead carcass.

Me: I’ve never seen that movie. Shit.

Tessa: Lamo. Well just picture what I said. Is that what you want for me??? Lol.

Me: I say you take your alien baby daddy on Maury.

Tessa: How do I know who it is?

Me: DNA test, of course. ‘I’m Here For the 30th Time, Can You Find My Intergalactic Baby Daddy?’

Tessa: He flew off on me. Lamo.

Me: I’m sure Maury could get Sylvia Browne to find him. I’m sure the baby will have his dad’s eyes. It’s always in the eyes.

Tessa: The ultrasound tech just told me I have a beautiful spleen.

Me: You’re texting me during your ultrasound?!?!

No reply.

I’m Going Back Home to the West Coast

Well, it’s technically not on the coast. But there’s not a catchy song for Phoenix.
But I’ve decided to move back to Arizona. I’ve realized that getting an apartment in Live Oak/Lake City, is just putting a band aide on a bullet wound. I’m tired of Florida and I’m going insane.  I’m not happy here and something has to change. The (most of) people I’ve already told haven’t taken it very well.  Tessa being a big exception. Who is always super supportive. I couldn’t function without you, love <3.  I still love all of you, and we’ll keep in touch through Twitter/text/MySpace. 

Nothing is in concrete, and everything is subject to change. But I’ve pretty much made up my mind about this. I have fond memories of Arizona. I’ll probably be moving to Phoenix. My dad’s family is mostly in Phoenix and the surrounding area.  So I won’t be in the big bad city all alone. And speaking of, I’m not going to tell my parents for a little while, so those of you who know them, please keep it quiet   

Phoenix has quite a few radio stations and a large Humane Society, which are both jobs I’m going to pursue.

Other than that I’ve not much going on. Work, work, oh and more work. I’ve been in the eat/sleep/work grind so much lately that I’ve been neglecting my blog. I’m going to do better.

I’ve Been Given Super Powers, Ask Me For an Autograph

Feel free to copy n’ paste.

SEVEN THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. Water.
2. Child Birth
3. ‘Unsolved Mysteries’
4. Alien Abduction
5. Home Break In
6. Needles
7. Being Alone Late at Night

SEVEN THINGS YOU LIKE THE MOST
1. My Daniel
2. My woozles
3. My Kitties
4. Texting
5. Hand written cards and notes, especially when they’re mailed to me
6. Those ‘That’s the money you could be saving with Geico’ commercials
7. Driving

SEVEN THINGS YOU PLAN TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Visit foggy London town
2. Acquire a Mustang
3. Adopt a pug
4. Figure out what I’m going to do with my life
5. Visit New York
6. stick to my budget for once
7. Get a Snuggie!!

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN DO
1. Play piano.
2. Manipulate (that’s why I’m so good at selling)
3. Drive with my feet.
4. Function on 3 hours of sleep consistently
5. pwn Final Fantasy 8
6. My job, very well.
7. Sleep text

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN’T DO
1. Drive stick shift
2. Swim
3. Whistle with my fingers in my mouth
4. Write music
5. Draw or paint
6. Get on a decent sleep schedule
7. Do a cartwheel

SEVEN THINGS THAT ATTRACT YOU TO THE OPPOSITE SEX
1. Sense of humor
2. Personality
3. Unusual-ness
4. Hair
5. Hips
6. Hands
7. Smell

SEVEN THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST
1. Say ‘Laua is the boss of me’!
2. ‘I’m not hurting the boy/girl/dog, I’m merely showing dominace’
3. Sweet Jesus!
4. Fuck the bull shit (Thanks Annie)
5. Transfer their ass (Again, Annie)
6. BELIEVE IT!
7. Do what?

SEVEN CELEB CRUSHES
1. Jim Morrison
2. Matthew Gray Gubler
3. Kakshi Hatake (I know he’s animated, and that I need thearpy)
4. Adam Brody as Seth Cohen
5. William Beckett
6. George Harrison
7. Justin Hawkins

I’ve been busy lately, thus the lack of blogging. I’m looking into apartments and trying to get that together. I can’t decide which I want to go with, with a roommate or without. Gah.
Not to mention all the junk I have to buy.
Plus deposits.

Speaking of, I’m going to have to find homes for two of my kitties. If you are anyone you know is interested, e-mail me. I’m super picky about who they go with, so I’m going to ask you a million questions. I’m going to keep Katie, I think she would literally have a nervous break down if I ever gave her away. She’s too attached to me.

I also started selling Avon recently (to add to the insanity), to raise a little apartment/Mustang money. You can visit my e store here. Buy something, make me lots of money!

That’s going to do it for now, I’ll be around.

Because You Are All Dying to Know…

I’ve been tagged by everyone’s favorite Feline. Here it is, the one word survey, enjoy:

1. Where is your cell phone?
Lap

2. Your significant other?
Talented

3. Your hair?
Wavy

4. Your mother?
Nuts

5. Your father?
Understanding

6. Your favorite thing?
Daniel

7. Your dream last night?
None

8. Your favorite drink?
Water

9. Your dream/goal?
London

10. What Room are you in?
Breakroom

11. Your hobby?
Vader

12. Your fear?
Drowning

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
London

14. Where were you last night?
Work

15. Something you are not?
Bland

16. Breakfast?
Cereal

17. Wish list item?
PS3

18. Where you grew up?
Everywhere

19. Last thing you ate?
Breakfast

20. What are you wearing?
Clothes

21. Your TV?
Tiny

22. Your pets?
5

23. Friends?
Supportive

24. Your life?
Good

25. Your mood?
Blah

26. Missing someone?
Always

27. Your car?
Korean

28. Something you’re not wearing?
Socks

29. Your favorite store?
Amazon.com

30. Your favorite color?
Purple

31. When is the last time you laughed?
Now

32. Last time you cried?
Semi-recently

33. Who will resend this?
?

34. One place that I go to over and over?
Daniel

35. One person who emails me regularly:
Crystal

36. Favorite place to eat:
Pizza!

37. One place I would like to go right now?
Bed

38. One person I think will respond:
??

39. One TV show I watch all the time:
Naruto

You’ve all been tagged.
I also have a new cell number, e-mail or MySpace me if we haven’t swapped numbers yet.

Rest in Peace, Little One

Ralphus crossed that rainbow bridge about 4:30 this morning. 
He will be greatly missed but I’m glad he’s no longer in pain.
May he enjoy that great ramen factory in the sky.

Believe IT!

I have a new obession.

Naruto.
My brothers have been trying to get me to watch it for almost a year. About a week ago I was laid up with a killer sinus infection, and my older brother, Davis, brought me season one to watch. I’m now on season three. In a week.

We’re thinking of going to DragonCon in Naruto costume. I’m going as Sarkura, Davis as Itachi, and Samuel as Konohamaru (he’s only eight years old) Or Davis and Samuel going as Kankuro & Crow. Now I have to learn how to sew.
Damn.

Anyone want to car pool to DragonCon?
We could use a Naruto, a Kakashi, and a Sasuke.
Any takers?

To my delight, my supervisor and another guy on my team also love Naruto so we’re constantly talking about it. Have I mentioned how much I love my new supervisor? He’s amazing. He reminds me  a lot of Kakashi Sensei. In fact, I’ve taken to calling him John Sensei. He grew up in Korea and is a huge anime’ fan.

Ralphus has made a turn for the worse. He’s quite literally skin and bones and doesn’t have the strength to hold his head up, much less walk. I’m having to feed him NutriCal and chicken broth with an eye dropper. He sleeps in basket by my bed so I can keep and eye on him. I don’t want him to die, but at the same time, I hate seeing him like this

Tales From the Trailer Park

I received the oddest call to-date today.  I was helping this lady get a signal on her receivers. She had already told me that she lived in a trailer park and and highly qualified gentleman named ‘Buzzard’ had been there ‘fixin’ their water heater’, when the receivers went out. 
We were in the middle of checking the connections when this god awful scream erupted from the depths of the double wide. My customer dropped the phone, but this is what I gathered from the commotion.

Their daughter (apromixately 5  years old) had some how lodged a fishing hook in her cheek, her father was trying to get it out, she was kicking, screaming, biting, and scratching him. There was a mile long list of obscenities coming from both the father and the 5 year old.  They were both screaming at the top of their lungs.  The mom is screaming at the father to ‘Watch his fucking mouth’. 

I’m laughing so hard I’m in tears at this point. I put my phone on speaker so my co-workers can enjoy the circus. At this point the family cat decides to join in and apparently claws the father’s face. I hear something hit the wall (I’m assuming the cat) and the mom picks the phone up and apologizes.

 I can hear the father in the background ‘I hate that fucking cat, I’m gonna him, I hate that cat’. Then I hear what can only be the sound of a pump action rifle. The mom says ‘Can I call you back’ and quickly hangs up.

Calls like that make the job worth it. xD

Call Center Confidential

Working in a call center had been very enlightening.  

First there’s the glory of the Mute -or ‘cough’ – button. It supposed to be used when you cough, sneeze, yawn, ect. But here’s what it’s really used for:

Customer – ‘I can’t find the reset button’
Agent – ‘The red button, ma’am, on the front of your receiver, it’s red’ 
Customer – ‘There’s isn’t a reset button, there’s ‘power’, ‘guide’ …proceeds to list every button on the receiver..
*presses mute button*
Agent – ‘The damn red button!! How hard is this?! There’s got to be a separate Que for idiots who get sent directly to my extension’
*releases mute button*

I sat by a guy last week who is a billing agent who got frequent use out of his mute button. He would call his customer every name under the sun and then get back on the line and be as nice a peach pie. It was highly entertaining.

Another thing that kills me is that all the customers think we can see everything on their television despite the fact we ask them to describe what’s on their screen. While I was in training, one of the mentors told me she used to mess with them and make them think she could see everything that was going on in their living room.

I love when a customer gets cranky when I ask them to troubleshoot.

Me – ‘Sir, can you check the satellite-in cable on the back of your receiver?’
Customer – ‘You want me to get up?!’
Me – ‘Yes’
*presses mute button*
Me – ‘Yes, get off your lazy ass and walk to the two feet to your reciever. It’s not something you can do with the remote. You are going to have to work a little!’
*releases mute*

The one thing that cause the most escalations is service calls. After I’ve done all the troubleshooting I can do and we have to send a tech out. Fifty bucks a pop, and Jesus, does it get them riled up.

Me – ‘I’ve done all I can do, so we’re going to have to send a tech out to take a look at it. ‘
Customer – ‘Okay’
Me – ‘ A service call is $49.95…’
Customer – ‘Wait, you mean I have to pay for you to come and fix your equipment?!’
Me – ‘Yes, you’re out of the 90 day warranty and you do not have the protection plan’
Customer – ‘But it’s your equipment!’
*presses mute button*
Me – ‘Yeah, and who broke it?’  
*releases mute button* 

At this point they normally ask to speak to a supervisor. Which I find amusing. Because the supervisor is going to tell them the exact same thing. What a lot of customers do not understand is we’re just the middle man. We don’t make the rules.  And you agreed to all of this in the Service Agreement you signed (You know that five sheet rules and regulations thing that everyone signs without reading) so don’t take it out on us.

Which brings me to the next subject, don’t call into customer service and be an ass. You end up shooting yourself in the foot. I will go the extra mile and beyond for a customer who is nice and pleasant. If you’re an jerk, I’m going to half-ass the troubleshooting and then slap you with a fifty buck service call. Then I’ll leave some really detailed notes on you account like:

‘Customer called in with Searching for Satellite Signal on all receivers. Was very rude and mean. An all-around douche bag. Offered service call, customer didn’t want to pay. Customer starting calling names. Please do not offer credits or free services to this customer.’

So that everyone will know what a jerk you are.   

I love it when they mention that they used to be with another satellite or cable company and they never had a problem. I want to say
‘Well if Dish Network was so fucking amazing, why don’t you go back to them? Let them deal with your whining and credit hogging’

Just one more thing, if you call in to a call center and get a phenomenal agent who is nice and just goes the extra mile for you, always ask to speak to their supervisor and tell them what an outstanding  job that agent did. Not only will you make that agent’s day, you’ll get some really amazing notes on your account

 I would also like to add, despite the bitchy tone of this blog, I love my job. Ninety percent of my customers are amazing, the other ten percent make up this blog

Just So Everyone Is On the Same Page

I’ve decided that I’m going to give up the whole ‘indian bit’, it’s old and everyone tired of it. Instead I’m going with my mom was a BonJovi groupie back in the day and I’m Richie Sambora’s illegitimate love child. My new name is Laura Sambora. Since it’s got that rhyming thing going on like Hannah Montana, I’m going to Disney for my own tv show.
So my old last name is up for grabs, if anyone wants to be half indian. I offered to a few co-workers today and no takers. Yet.

I’m also working on ‘Sitel: The Musical’, with my co-worker, Matt. We’ll be hold auditions in a few weeks. With the Sambora name connected to it, I think it’s probably going to be huge.

If you or anyone you know wants two ferrets (including the cage), shoot me an e-mail. I know someone who is giving them away to a good home. I need to run my own ferret site. I get four or five e-mails a week asking for ferret advice and trying to give me more ferrets. Hmm… I’ll have to look into that.

My job is still awesome. I ‘graduate’ from training Saturday. And then my training class is going to be all split up
At least Matt and I are on the same team. With the exact same hours. I wasn’t thrilled with my schedule at first, but I think I’m going to be able to make it work. I’m actually going to get to see Daniel more than I do know.

 

And to end this blog on a happy note, Ralphus is doing much better. He has his ups and downs, but he’s put on quite a bit of weight (he has a little pot belly) and is much better spirits. He’s a little fighter